i dont think anyone reads this ngl this is for the BETTER of societyanways hi im gonna be talking about dramatic things because i've been hit with the ritalin beam sorry chat!! not anything bad tho i think

promised myself if i could make it to shcool today i would get myself a little treat (the treat was ritalin) im actuallly drug pavloving myself into liking school (and it has worked so no complaints) and im super amped right now!! justreceieved a great metric of how much i have improved mentallysince a few years ago. i had a certain conversation today that was the same as one i hda several years ago. the last time i had it, i went upstairs and cried oon the floor of my bathroom so hard i dissociated back and forth and fel asleep or passed out(and awful activities during! yayaaya). this time around, i feel okay! im so. good guys!!

wow that was a weird week i went to school every day except tuesday?? thank god i dont have school tomorrow cause im not ready. i've felt super weirdly guilty or something recently because im thinking about the efficiency of using a cane & wondering if i should swap it out for those elbow crutch things. honestly think that would be tghe least painful option cause i often find myself thinking which leg to put the pressure on since both hurt...but i really cant afford to do that at school since i need to carry. books and stuff. esp when im out i always need to carry a bag and even crossbody bag w cane is difficult to manage!!EWWWWWWW I FEEL SO NASTY...if i was liek totally alone at all times id for sure use crutches but im NOT.

working on an etsy shp to sell stickers anyways bye for now

i dont have anything new to say except i dont know whats gonna happen to me and movies for guys is always playing on repeat in my head for the past few weeks! migraines daily and walking is getting worse.i never imagined that it would get to [this] point but i still have trouble believing i will be immobile(by this i mean unable to walk even. a bit) though it looks like a possibility, i have to be prepared for anything to happen

i need it to be summer so i can rot in peace cause im always missing school, i dontevn care tho!! idk whati will do. im no longer worrying about.getting a job or anything (this is a lie) my mom said she will letme live with them as long as i need (this is a blessing). she keeps saying she wishes she could do something!! living like this is ALIEN to me. i alwys knew how i was gonna fail and it was NO Tthis bruh like fo rgods sake i am literally a teenager i shouldny have to learn how to manage pain and ration out my energy like i've alrdy been doing my whole life

anyways i am literally coping guys coping so. well!! shoutout to coping. i have like 6 different things going on and spend more time living in my brain then ever!! ok ive wantd to rant about this for a while but honstly 1 of the worst part is how embarassing everyday is forme... ritalin kind of nulls it THANK GOD but seriously its SO FUCKING EMBARASSING to show up to. school every day w a freaking cane like oh my goddd no one told me....this is so embarassing.....as someone who has never shown up to school w any medical indications or injuries before. on BLUD what do i say. this is embarassing.

5:56 PM

ew bro could u not ticklle my face while im blogging. ok im back after the Incident!! unwanted hiatus. I AM FULLY AWARE OF THE STATE OF THIS NEW WEBPAGE. GUYS.... I DIDNT MEAN IT. i dont even like orange or pink i dont KNOW why i did thiss i dont know.....!!!!

playing so much minecraft lately cause i found a new server. literally what else im still completely freaked up the other day i was struck by giggle feelings because i as like "wow i cang believe this is my life now" like i genuinely cannot.....anywas im excited for april 25!!!!!WAHWWWW!!!

i wanna go urbexing byt i broke up with my urbex partner of 2 trips and hes lowk the only availlable person ever cause my friends are doing exams so idk..its just not as fun alone cause i cant get photos of people! i last went to an abandoned church it was boring and we had to literally break in broad daylight in front of a busy road. cause it was boarded..

watching LOTS of futurama because i have nothing ekse i wanna watch actually. getting into rainbow lobsters recently and i calmed myself down in a fit of rare rage by just looking at photos of them #EmotionalRegulation skills that many people in my house would do weell to employ or look into!! im not used to havnig multiple interests that aare shows ESP not the same time so im trying to distrac myself from them because they are bouncing around in my head too much also lobsters give me some space its crowded in there DUDE I. NEVER DRAW FANART BUT I WAS HIT WITH THE BUG TODAY.. somebody save me! listening to llots of m1v

i lowkey feel skeletal thats just a me thing and idk if remainnig stationary is making me weaker and worse or if im actually just declining either way it thurts sso much to stand and do stuff i feel crazy and i cant sleep at night, i woke up with the most splittingheadache the other day and some days im hit with 3 pains at once (fullbody + stomach + headache and or allergies) so thats kind of the worst...always room t get worse tho!! i do not think its gonna stop here im just strapped in for the ride

this guy @ school continues to stallk me its so freaky i escape at every opportunity not much to update w that...i had to miss schoo today anyways thats alll i have for now unless im struck by genius later. byebye